The new acceptable form of Bulimia.

{{ TRIGGER WARNING: Eating Disorders }}

I’m livid right now, friends, and I have been ever since I found out about this new type of weight loss procedure called The Aspire Assist.

Let’s watch their little video, shall we?

Right. So what you’re telling me here is that I can eat pretty much whatever I feel like – I could binge eat if I really wanted to (as long as I chew it all carefully, of course) – and 20 minutes after, all I have to do is empty a third of the contents of my stomach via a tube that leads out to a port on my belly?

You’re basically giving me your blessing to purge?

Does this sound familiar at all?

Because it sounds a lot like bulimia to me, minus the sore throat and bad teeth due to stomach acid in the mouth. Does that make it ok? Because it’s coming out of a different hole?

Bulimia is a mental health disorder. People with bulimia tend to show signs of depression, anxiety, or obsessive-compulsive disorders. They’re also at risk for substance abuse problems and suicidal behavior.

Constant monitoring of food and weight can become an obsession. A person with bulimia may binge in secret and hide evidence of food and laxatives. Having to keep secrets contributes to the cycle of stress and anxiety.

Bulimia may cause moodiness and irritability. Compulsive exercising or preoccupation with appearance are common symptoms. It’s not unusual for someone with bulimia to spend a lot of time thinking about food and how to control it. This may be accompanied by feelings of embarrassment and shame. It’s hard to measure the emotional cost.
The effects of Bulimia on the body.

I mean, come on. You honestly think people aren’t going to take advantage of this procedure? I know what I’m like. I have a lap-band (which has caused so many problems that I’ll talk about in another post) and in the past, during strict diets, I would binge on carbs knowing that it would cause a blockage right where the lapbang squeezed my stomach, which would cause me to throw it all back up. I was so pleased with myself to have been able to taste the delicious carbs, but not let my body digest it.
I would be so tempted to use the Aspire Assist as a way to eat mac ‘n’ cheese croquettes all day every day, as long as I emptied the tube after every 20 minutes of stuffing my face.

How are these physicians going to guarantee the patient’s mental health will be ok? Every decision to eat something naughty will be made knowing that they can purge after.

This makes me sad, readers. It makes me sad that what the world is basically saying to us fat people is that it’s better to have an eating disorder than to be fat. It’s better to have your mental health compromised than be fat.

When will we be left alone?

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Things to do when you forget that FAT DOES NOT = UGLY

Are you self-hating right now? Here are some ways to remember how beautiful you are!
Are you self-hating right now? Here’s some ways to remember how beautiful you are!

We’ve all had those days. You get on the scale one morning and realise you’ve put on two kilos, or you wear a dress that fit perfectly on you two months before but now it’s tight around the belly. Sometimes, the self-hate isn’t even the result of weight gain! Sometimes, you just look at yourself in the mirror and start to believe the bullshit you read in articles on the internet.

It fucking sucks, and it’s always hard to pick yourself up when we as a society are told that our worth is in direct correlation with our dress size.

I’ve come up with a list to cheer us up because – really, we deserve to be happy no matter what, right? We have the right to love ourselves NO. MATTER. WHAT.

1. Forgive yourself.

Look in the mirror and tell your reflection that everything will be alright. Look right into your eyes and say, “I forgive myself. I forgive my body. My body is an amazing vessel that houses an amazing soul and no amount of weight gain or self-hate will change that.”

2. Have a luxurious bath or shower.

Pamper yourself and have a long luxurious bath or shower! Buy the good shit, yo.
Pamper yourself and have a long luxurious bath or shower! Buy the good shit, yo.

Go to your favourite spa/beauty store and purchase a few things to give yourself a serious pampering session. We are all very quick to buy clothes, shoes and handbags to make ourselves feel happier, but what about spoiling your body with beautiful lotions and soaps? Your mind and body have been through enough self-abuse and it’s time to get right by spoiling yourself. Light some candles! Bring a really great trashy novel!
I recommend Lush’s Ceridwen’s Cauldron Bath Melt and Rose Bombshell Bath Bomb if you’re into baths. If you’re like me and prefer to have long showers, go for Buffy Body Butter to scrub, Dreamwash Shower Smoothie to lather up, and then finish off with Ro’s Argan Body Conditioner.

3. Listen to some empowering music.

Hide under the blankets, dance around your bedroom or take a long drive somewhere. Whatever you choose to do, do it while listening to some songs that rev you up. Listen to them loud and sing along! It doesn’t really matter what the songs are about; as long as you find yourself perking up as the first few bars play. You know that feeling when your favourite song comes on the radio and you just have to turn it up? Those are the songs you need to look for. Music is an incredible mood enhancer. What you listen to can greatly affect you!

Some of my faves to listen to when I’m in a rut:
Backfire – MuteMath
Show Me Lights – Friendly Fires
Paper Doll – John Mayer
Time To Pretend – MGMT
Slow Down – Lights
Rest of My Life – Ludacris, Usher + David Guetta
In Your Eyes – Peter Gabriel
Waiting For The End – Linkin Park
Not On Drugs – Tove Lo
Everything Changes – Take That
Kiss of Life – Friendly Fires
Let The Sun Shine – Labrinth
Flashback – Calvin Harris
Blood Pressure – MuteMath
Izzo / In The End – Linkin Park + Jay-Z
Spiritus – Lisa Mitchell
Clarity – John Mayer
A Luta Continua! – MarchFourth Marching Band
Valerie – Mark Ronson + Amy Winehouse

4. Take yourself out on a date.

The National Gallery of Victoria
Take yourself out on a solo date. The NGV, perhaps?

Last time I went on a solo adventure, I ventured into the National Gallery of Victoria to view the “A Golden Age of China” exhibit, which was absolutely magnificent. I walked around the gallery quietly, keeping my phone in my handbag so I wouldn’t be distracted or feel the need to take photographs to post on instagram. This adventure was all mine and I selfishly didn’t want to share it with anyone!
After walking through the exhibition, I went to the Tea Room and had afternoon tea. I was seated next to an elderly woman who had also ventured into town alone, and we sat there talking about the exhibits and our lives. She told me about how her husband and love of her life had passed away two years and three months ago and she kept herself busy by going to the opera and checking out exhibits at the Melbourne Museum and NGV. She was a fascinating woman – someone I never would have met had I not decided to just spend some time away from everyone I knew.

Go. Check out some touristy spots you haven’t visited in a while. Check out the national art gallery in your city. See everything with a fresh pair of eyes. Just go do something all by yourself!

5. Listen to your body and what it really wants to eat.

I am an emotional eater, and sometimes I forget that my body is not the one wanting that large popcorn chicken meal from KFC.
Sometimes it’s my sadness or my boredom. On occasion, eating that KFC meal leaves you feeling utterly satisfied, but other times, as soon as all that food is gone, you are left with some major self-loathing for dessert.
This is not about dieting; this is not about creating a complicated relationship with food. This is about learning to understand what your body is trying to tell you. Listen – really listen – to what your body wants. If you know that you could seriously do with some deliciously decadent mudcake, go to town on that thing guilt-free! But if you’re craving a smoothie packed with fresh fruits, don’t do your body a disservice and give it the mudcake! Sometimes, spoiling your body isn’t giving it something naughty!

6. Dress UP.

Get dolled up for no goddamned reason!
Get dolled up for no goddamned reason!

My friends know when I’m having an ugly day – I get overly dressed up. I wear a full face of makeup, my blingiest chandelier earrings, curl my hair and wear an outfit that is more fitting for a night out on the town than for the cafe around the corner, but I’m not going to lie… knowing I’ve put effort into how I look and having my girlfriends tell me I look nice makes me feel better about myself. My friends are my harshest critics, so when they tell me I’m looking good, I know I’m really looking good.

7. Go for a walk.

Put on some comfy shoes, grab your iPod and take yourself out to a park. I’m not really talking about exercise here – although we all know that exercise is a brilliant way to release endorphins to make you feel a million times better. I’m talking about just reconnecting with your body. As you walk, be completely aware of how your knees bend and your thighs and calves flex to move you forward. Focus on your hips and pelvis that help to make you walk with a great deal of fluidity. Notice your breathing! Have you ever actually had a moment where you’ve gone, “Holy shit! I am a walking, breathing, living entity! I can walk, talk, laugh… have amazing sex!”
When you think about what it takes to get your body moving, it’s practically impossible not to realise how amazing our bodies are.

8. Remember this kick-ass quote!

Untitled-2
Be pretty if you want, and do it for only you!

 

Bathtub image courtesy of iconicgloryy.tumblr.com

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Very Important People.

When I decided to move to Melbourne, there were two people I was completely terrified of leaving behind. Not any of my friends; I knew they would always be there – even with the distance. Not even my family; I am lucky enough to see them almost every two months. Oh no. These two super special VIPs are my hairdresser, Bee Rizzi, and my Naturopath, Lyda Barquero.

Bee and I after she made cut my fringe and dyed my hair purple.
Bee and I after she made cut my fringe and dyed my hair purple.

When you find a good hairdresser – someone who just gets you and your style and what will suit you every single time – they become this gladiator that fights for you. They are there to make you feel good… to stand tall. Bee is not just someone who makes me look amazing, but she also has become this incredible friend that I confide in. We tell each other our problems… we gossip about boys and laugh about sex.

Lyda and I.
Lyda and I.

The same goes for a medical practitioner or someone who has helped you with your mental and physical health. My naturopath has really helped me so much- not just to get my health in check- but when things were very low for me, she was someone I could talk to without fear or judgment. She was the only person who has ever told me to forgive myself- to not blame myself for things that happened to me. She is amazing and I seriously love her.

These two people fulfill my life in completely different ways, but both are equally important to me, and finding people like that – people who are on your team – is really difficult. We have loyalty to each other, and more importantly, they know so much of my shit. They have heard my bitching and moaning… they have seen me cry. When you see me bawling my eyes out we are sisters for life, yo.

Luckily, Lyda and I are at least able to have phone consultations and she can post me any homeopathic remedies I may need. Bee, on the other hand, is a little bit more tricky. Do I just try to get to Perth every two to three months or do I accept my hair’s fate and try to find another brilliant hairstylist in Melbourne? I’m still trying to convince her to move to Melbourne (she would seriously make a killing over there) so that I can have my hair done all the time.

What about you? Besides your friends and family, who are people in your life that you would have a really hard time leaving behind if you ever had to move?

If you’re looking for an amazing hairstyle look for Bee on instagram, and if you’re in the market for a naturopath and live in the western suburbs of Perth, look for Lyda Barquero at the Subiaco Naturopathic Clinic on Hay St.

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Anxiety and the crazy things it can do to your body.

The last few months have been a whirlwind of emotions for me.

Last year in September, I had a very uncomfortable and creepy experience with a man I met on AdultFriendFinder. I won’t get into it here since I’ve been replaying the story quite a lot recently trying to make sense of it all in my head, but here is a video I made all about the experience and the lack of respect I received.

When it first happened, I didn’t do anything about it because I had befriended another boy who became an amazing close friend that I would share intimacy with, but that friendship ended over a month ago, and I am completely single again.

This, plus the fact that my little sister/housemate has left to Europe for at least four-ish months has left me feeling very, very, very anxious.

I have always been good at internalising, and I don’t tend to stay sad for very long. I come from a family that believes in getting up off your arse and getting on with it, and that is what I’ve been doing. But the friendship that I lost a few months ago, the event that took place last year and my sister leaving have all been too much for my body, it seems. I missed my period last month (I’m on the pill and it’s usually like clockwork), my face has broken out in spots (my skin has been flawless since my early twenties), my nails are breaking and peeling, and I’ve experienced lightheadedness. Oh, and getting out of bed in the mornings is just a bitch.

Last Friday, I wondered if I was having a heart attack since the symptoms women present with can be quite different to that of the usual tingling arm and pain in the chest that men tend to feel. My neck hurt, my lungs were slightly burning although I hadn’t done any exercise and my vision was a little blurry. I’ve been to the doctor who took blood and is going to do some tests. I should know by the middle of next week whether there is something other than stress that is causing all these weird things to happen.

– – –

I really don’t mind being single. I thought I would find it harder. Unfortunately, with this new-found singleness comes the realisation that the next man I meet could possibly be a person who will violate me. Perhaps the odds are very slim, since I’ve met up with a lot of men and only one of them turned out to be a total fucking creep who didn’t understand the word “No”, but now, to me, the chances feel so much greater.

I don’t know why I feel the need to blog about this; perhaps it’s more to do with just getting it all out as well as trying to get into the habit of blogging again.

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