One day my name will evoke good goosebumps.

I’ve been sitting in my new studio space for the past 2 hours, just soaking up the atmosphere. It’s a pretty amazing little spot. I’m hoping that with this new little space comes new customers, new ideas, and better promotion and marketing on my part.

God, I hate marketing. I hate it all. All I want to do is make beautiful clothes while someone else deals with all that marketing/business bullshit. I wish my name came with a certain fanbase that would just eat up everything I wanted to sell without much effort on my part.

But I’m not Beyonce. I’m not Tess Holliday. I’m not Gabifresh. I’m just Jen Pitch – founder and designer at Seraphim Clothing.

One day, maybe, but for now, I just have to keep slogging it, and try to enjoy myself while I’m at it.

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The new acceptable form of Bulimia.

{{ TRIGGER WARNING: Eating Disorders }}

I’m livid right now, friends, and I have been ever since I found out about this new type of weight loss procedure called The Aspire Assist.

Let’s watch their little video, shall we?

Right. So what you’re telling me here is that I can eat pretty much whatever I feel like – I could binge eat if I really wanted to (as long as I chew it all carefully, of course) – and 20 minutes after, all I have to do is empty a third of the contents of my stomach via a tube that leads out to a port on my belly?

You’re basically giving me your blessing to purge?

Does this sound familiar at all?

Because it sounds a lot like bulimia to me, minus the sore throat and bad teeth due to stomach acid in the mouth. Does that make it ok? Because it’s coming out of a different hole?

Bulimia is a mental health disorder. People with bulimia tend to show signs of depression, anxiety, or obsessive-compulsive disorders. They’re also at risk for substance abuse problems and suicidal behavior.

Constant monitoring of food and weight can become an obsession. A person with bulimia may binge in secret and hide evidence of food and laxatives. Having to keep secrets contributes to the cycle of stress and anxiety.

Bulimia may cause moodiness and irritability. Compulsive exercising or preoccupation with appearance are common symptoms. It’s not unusual for someone with bulimia to spend a lot of time thinking about food and how to control it. This may be accompanied by feelings of embarrassment and shame. It’s hard to measure the emotional cost.
The effects of Bulimia on the body.

I mean, come on. You honestly think people aren’t going to take advantage of this procedure? I know what I’m like. I have a lap-band (which has caused so many problems that I’ll talk about in another post) and in the past, during strict diets, I would binge on carbs knowing that it would cause a blockage right where the lapbang squeezed my stomach, which would cause me to throw it all back up. I was so pleased with myself to have been able to taste the delicious carbs, but not let my body digest it.
I would be so tempted to use the Aspire Assist as a way to eat mac ‘n’ cheese croquettes all day every day, as long as I emptied the tube after every 20 minutes of stuffing my face.

How are these physicians going to guarantee the patient’s mental health will be ok? Every decision to eat something naughty will be made knowing that they can purge after.

This makes me sad, readers. It makes me sad that what the world is basically saying to us fat people is that it’s better to have an eating disorder than to be fat. It’s better to have your mental health compromised than be fat.

When will we be left alone?

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Choosing the perfect journal

Since writing that entry yesterday, I’ve spent my time trawling the internet for the perfect notebook.

THIS IS MY PROBLEM – I am such a starternot a finisher.

I love love love looooove setting things up. I love setting up diaries, filofaxes, midoris! I love setting up my makeup station. I am obsessed with buying things to start something!

But I haven’t finished something in years! Gah!

I wonder if this is also reflected in my relationships… More on that some other time…

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When I was in my early to mid twenties, I used to carry around a little Moleskine passport sized grid-lined notebook wherever I went. I was heavily into writing music then, and my ideas would pop up out of the blue, so I had to be prepared.

I haven’t carried around a notebook in close to 8 years, and that makes me feel really sad.

But what would I need with a notebook now? I don’t write music anymore. I don’t even sketch or write down my thoughts. Whipping out my notebook used to be instinctive. I thought different then.

What changed?

I’m tempted to purchase one to carry around with me now, and see if there’s anything I really have to say.

Any ideas on prompts to use, anyone?

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“Relationships with Fat Girls”

While searching online for different topics to write about, I decided to google “relationships with fat girls” to see what would come up and let me tell you – what an eye opener. Perhaps I live in a little blind and oblivious bubble of fat-love and whatnot, but I was so disappointed to read forum entry after forum entry and article after article focused on fat-hate. One forum thread post on was by a girl who, after three years of being with her boyfriend, was told by him that he hadn’t found her attractive for quite some time. He believed it was because of her weight… which was strange, considering she was smaller than she was when they met three years before.

The thread became a massive debate with a few people telling her to leave this confused and ridiculous sod, while most of the other posters chastised the poor poster for not wanting to lose weight for her beloved partner. After she asked the forum-goers, “Am I selfish for wanting a man that is as attracted to me as I am to him?” a tacky bloke replied, “No, you’re selfish for not caring about your man’s attraction enough to stay fit… You’re selfish for eating all of those chocolates and late-nite pizzas instead of caring about making this relationship work.”

Heres a gold star on us! Well done, chump!

Look, I do believe that it’s completely fine to have this idea in your head of the kind of people that you find both attractive and unattractive. If you’re not into fat girls or guys, that’s completely fine. You’re not shallow just because you’re not into a certain body type. It’s a whole other story, however, when you judge someone solely on this physical trait that you don’t find agreeable.

Again, perhaps it’s the oblivious bubble of body acceptance and fat-love that I live in that makes me forget how some people in this world will be doomed to never understand how freeing it is to just accept people for who they are, but I just want to say – on the record – I call shenanigans on all you dipshits who would judge me just for being twice your size. Hell, I call shenanigans on all of you who actually think it’s ok to break up with your partner just because she’s packed on a few kilos.

All these people seem to forget the reasons they fell for their partners in the beginning. Yes, the moment you meet someone it is all about the way they look. But the moment they open their mouths and become more than just a face and body, you choose then and there to continue talking to this person. And people change! Are you going to wake up 20 years later wondering why your wife’s boobs aren’t as perky as before?

I’m saddened by all of this. I’m seriously at a loss.

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