One day my name will evoke good goosebumps.

I’ve been sitting in my new studio space for the past 2 hours, just soaking up the atmosphere. It’s a pretty amazing little spot. I’m hoping that with this new little space comes new customers, new ideas, and better promotion and marketing on my part.

God, I hate marketing. I hate it all. All I want to do is make beautiful clothes while someone else deals with all that marketing/business bullshit. I wish my name came with a certain fanbase that would just eat up everything I wanted to sell without much effort on my part.

But I’m not Beyonce. I’m not Tess Holliday. I’m not Gabifresh. I’m just Jen Pitch – founder and designer at Seraphim Clothing.

One day, maybe, but for now, I just have to keep slogging it, and try to enjoy myself while I’m at it.

The new acceptable form of Bulimia.

{{ TRIGGER WARNING: Eating Disorders }}

I’m livid right now, friends, and I have been ever since I found out about this new type of weight loss procedure called The Aspire Assist.

Let’s watch their little video, shall we?

Right. So what you’re telling me here is that I can eat pretty much whatever I feel like – I could binge eat if I really wanted to (as long as I chew it all carefully, of course) – and 20 minutes after, all I have to do is empty a third of the contents of my stomach via a tube that leads out to a port on my belly?

You’re basically giving me your blessing to purge?

Does this sound familiar at all?

Because it sounds a lot like bulimia to me, minus the sore throat and bad teeth due to stomach acid in the mouth. Does that make it ok? Because it’s coming out of a different hole?

Bulimia is a mental health disorder. People with bulimia tend to show signs of depression, anxiety, or obsessive-compulsive disorders. They’re also at risk for substance abuse problems and suicidal behavior.

Constant monitoring of food and weight can become an obsession. A person with bulimia may binge in secret and hide evidence of food and laxatives. Having to keep secrets contributes to the cycle of stress and anxiety.

Bulimia may cause moodiness and irritability. Compulsive exercising or preoccupation with appearance are common symptoms. It’s not unusual for someone with bulimia to spend a lot of time thinking about food and how to control it. This may be accompanied by feelings of embarrassment and shame. It’s hard to measure the emotional cost.
The effects of Bulimia on the body.

I mean, come on. You honestly think people aren’t going to take advantage of this procedure? I know what I’m like. I have a lap-band (which has caused so many problems that I’ll talk about in another post) and in the past, during strict diets, I would binge on carbs knowing that it would cause a blockage right where the lapbang squeezed my stomach, which would cause me to throw it all back up. I was so pleased with myself to have been able to taste the delicious carbs, but not let my body digest it.
I would be so tempted to use the Aspire Assist as a way to eat mac ‘n’ cheese croquettes all day every day, as long as I emptied the tube after every 20 minutes of stuffing my face.

How are these physicians going to guarantee the patient’s mental health will be ok? Every decision to eat something naughty will be made knowing that they can purge after.

This makes me sad, readers. It makes me sad that what the world is basically saying to us fat people is that it’s better to have an eating disorder than to be fat. It’s better to have your mental health compromised than be fat.

When will we be left alone?

I’ve been thinking a lot about love lately.


I finally understand all that stuff people say to you about how your relationships are a choice you make every single day. This cannot be truer than your relationship with your romantic partner.

Sure, maybe it doesn’t feel like a choice at the beginning, when things are going so well and you can’t imagine ever breaking up. Your partner’s indecisiveness is still endearing; your daily “What do you want for dinner tonight?” dialogue is still super cute because he’s just the most adorable thing in the world (and you’re happy to let him choose something you’re not in the mood for because love already tastes so sweet!). His constant hogging of the bed still doesn’t bother you and you just want to bite him because you feel such violent affection for him.

I get it. I feel that way about my new partner. But – even with all the joy and butterflies in my stomach – it has also been a major adjustment for me.

Having a partner means never going on new dates… potentially, ever again.

I know that sounds like a really insignificant thing considering the upside to shutting down all my dating profiles is actually being loved by someone, and I agree, it’s so wonderful, but it has also turned my daily routine upside down. It feels like I have so much more time, because I’m not spending so much of my day checking messages on the long list of dating sites and apps I frequented.

I’m not going to lie- I really do miss it. I miss reading messages by men who find me attractive and are trying to get my attention. I miss getting to know someone. I miss the thrill of being chased.

This is probably a super weird thing to admit, considering I’ve been with this new boy for a total of 111 days. Our relationship is still fresh, exciting and new, and don’t worry – I am still constantly overcome with feelings of wanting to skin him so that I can wear him around me when he has to go to work (he finds that adorable – don’t worry).

The thing is, before him, I spent a good three years on the internet, trawling for male friends, one-night-stands, and lovers. I even chose love relationships that would allow me to keep doing this, with rather disastrous results – let’s be honest. I think my dumb excuse for this was to keep my options open just in case someone better came along. I know – dumb. And really really mean.

But here’s the point. Do I choose to stay with the boy even though I miss all of that?

Yes. Wholeheartedly. Without a doubt. 

Why? Because he isn’t some idealistic Disney (or Marvel) version of a significant other that doesn’t exist. He’s a real person with a balanced mix of strengths and weaknesses. Also, because we complement each other. He and I are compatible in so many ways it’s uncanny. Both our usernames end with “tron”. Wut.
He is quiet when I am loud, he is steadfast when I am erratic, he is logical when I am a blubbering mess of feelings. He is thoughtful and funny. He is so crazy and silly when we’re behind closed doors and I love that. It’s like a private joke that only we understand.

And, most of all, because I’m actually taking the passionate love out of the equation, and thinking about things more practically. The butterflies are great and all, but I want mutual love and respect once those butterflies are gone. I want to know that there will be loyalty, partnership and a greater sense of belonging that moves beyond the intense love you feel at the beginning.

Why do so many people give up – not when things get difficult – but when that intense feeling of passion has faded? The person by your side is fundamentally the same person as before but your rose coloured glasses are suddenly gone and it’s their fault that they bore you now?

Did you not realise you had a choice in how you felt about your partner?

I don’t believe that you wake up one day to the realisation that you’ve stopped loving your significant other. That just doesn’t happen. Things get in the way – sure, but your complacency is to blame for that fire being snuffed out.

I can’t say that S will be the person I spend the rest of my life with, but I’m at least happy to have met him during a time in which my feelings are much more in check. I am able to shake off the sadness or doubt much faster than ever before. While looking back at my past, I’ve been brutally honest with myself about the part I played in each failed relationship. It was an eye-opening experience which left me really humbled, because I realised I was more responsible than I originally thought. This has greatly helped me to not only become a better partner to S, but a better friend, and human being.

Is this what it feels like to be in a proper grown up relationship? All I can say is that I’m looking forward to our first real fight or problem, so that we can grow up as individuals as well as grow together as a couple.